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You don’t always get to pick your muses

I once knew an ex-sex worker that broke my heart.  It wasn’t… It’s not like that.  She was only a friend.  I should have been smarter.  More aware.  More sensitive to her mindset.  The first time I had coffee with her she stated in no uncertain terms “I’m not a huggie bitch so don’t expect anything from me”.  After that we agreed on a fist bump as our go to greeting/good bye gesture. She had read everything I’ve ever written by that point.  I’ve never met someone who knew my stories so well that they could quote things back to me. And w hen I say that we spent almost every day together for the better part of several months I mean that. She asked me once how long we'd known each other. I told her 2 weeks. She said it felt longer, and I couldn't have agreed more. There was a dichotomy to her. She spent many of her formative years in Italy. Which while it meant she adamantly did not want to be touched at all , her sense of personal space was more European than American. In
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My Entertaining Mid-Life Crisis:

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Preface I never really understood pen names until one day my writing started developing a different voice.  Why would Stephen King of all people need to hide himself as Richard Bachman?  Also, one of my favorite fantasy authors Seannan McGuire has an off shoot of horror work under the name Mira Grant.  But why?  It’s a different timbre, a different tone, and it’s sometimes darker.  Sometimes so dark that you have to disassociate it from yourself as another author entirely. Personally I think I'm being a bit cliché with this experiment. I sometimes sound like a grizzled hard-boiled detective who is aware that he exists in a shitty noir novel. He's trying to solve the mystery of why his life sucks so much, and the trail on the case is getting pretty cold. I've never told some of these stories before. But I also took a page out of King's book and rewrote stories I've put to paper before just now in a tone coming from a different writer who was already a bit unhinged
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